finally back

here i am, back in italy.
i m sitting in my class, with my classmates, just chilling during our training.
on sunday morning i' m gonna leave with my classmates, we're gonna go to Cefalu( tht 's an island in Sicily), i'm very happy of that, i've been missing them so much!!! and everything is so weird since i m here. the first week was the hardest one, i was ready, i knew it was hard, but i didn't expect that much!!! everything was different just being the same. my friends, my family, y city, how can it be everything so different? the second week as getting better, but then i felt sick!!!WTF!!!! finally now i got back to school and i m really loocking forward to leave, i really need sometime to think bout everything.
since i m here i m not been talking with my hosting family that much, i really miss them, really bad, but that's so weird talk to them, thiking hat we're so far away eachother, we used to get up together, get breakfast together, spend the whole day together, and now i  here , they r there, in their practice, just working, and i know tht it's not that easy to go there to meeting up. i wish it was easyer.my hosting family called me last week , it was very exciting, i was very happy of that, but i was also very sick, so i couldn't talk that much,than during the week i called Anique ( my sista) we talked a little, but it was even more weird, i had so much  to tell to her, but talking just by a screem can be very annoyng,that was terribly hard.
day by day everything is more confused in my mind, i m really confused bout everything, i dunno who i am anymore, i don't know what i like anymore. at first in holland i tought i would have learnt to better understand myself, i tought after holland everything would have been easyer, but that's not like that!! i had to learn to know myself, there i doscovered a new myself, and now i gotta get used to be here again, but now it's a new me, and i dunno how can it fit.
CEFALU HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!

Finally i made up my mind, i wanna go home.
i miss my boyfriend, my brother, my friends, my family, i miss italian food, i miss the smell of my city,i miss the sun,i miss the sea, i miss so much from my home country, i cannot stand it anymore.
look i don't wanna say that i hate this place and theese people at all, cuz i don't think so.
ja it's true our cultures are very different each other, but i learnt a lot on them and now i can understand much more bout dutch people.
wht i really miss is our way to show love and friendship.i miss to lie down on the couch hugging my friends, hanging out everyday with new people, talking hours and hours at phone even aware tht we're gonna meet in few minutes, never being quite NEVER!!! maybe that's one of the thing i miss the most our KAOS.
i'm gonna miss everything here, but we cannot have everything toch. i m gonna miss speaking dutch, i m gonna miss speaking english, i m gonna miss my hostfamily, i m gonna miss the stink of the boederijen, i m gonna miss this huge sky,i m gonna miss weed, and i m gonna miss the exchange students meeting .
but i got a lot from this experience, and i wanna go back here surely.i still have a  lot to learn around the world .
i just hope he can wait still sometimes for me :)
btw my adventure is gonna end with my dad and my brother coming here to pick me up :)

Spring is finally coming, flowers are coming out, and all that old shit is away in my mind.

a new season is at the door, there are still a lot of thing to get, but there are also some rhings we've lost.

Today it's the last day here for Anique (my hosting sista) she's gonna move on another home in the coty where my school is... yes of course i know we are gonna see each other, but i cannot pretend that it doesen't matter to me.

    I still remember when i arrived here, after the orientation week we exchange students went straight to a restaurant waiting for our hosting families. i remember i was there waiting and waiting for them, the hostingfamilies of the other exchange students were already there, i was a little worry. my mind was floating away, tryng to imagine how my new family could be...what if Anique was a bitch? i tought, and what if she was a childish girl i wondered.

then all of a sudden here they were :)

we stood there till the meeting finished and then we runned away, at the first service station we stopped and we got out of the car, it was Jan Jurre Anique  and I, i was still a little tired of all that english when Anique looked at me and asked me: do u wanna smoke? i knew it was against travel active rules, but it was just a little pretty cigarette... since that moment everything changed so fast.

    It seems me like yesterday when we went to Alkmaar to her father home. i was in the netherlands olny for 2 weeks, we arrived over there and only in that moment Niekje told me that her father owns 2 coffee shop. so we went in his kitchen Niekje knew his hiding place and we got his weed.it was the first time i saw the REAL WEED!!! it's incredible how much is that different from all that shit in Italy, it was 100 times better then the best weed of Naples!!! i couldn't believe at what my nose was smelling. Than we rolled it, Nickje wanted to have the honor, and she made a fucking huge jointje. it was the only joint we smoked that day, but i was high the all day long!

    When we went to the first party together, we were not even invited actually, but we had ha pass par tout: i m an exchange student :P so we just got inside and we started to drink and drink, than drinks where finished, but Molly still had our Tequilla bottle in her bag, at the end of the night we were as drunk as the hell and we had to walk to the station, that was very hard! and my heels were fucking hurting so i got to the station with bare feet, and it was something like -7° at least!!! but we where together.

    At Xmas it was my first white Xmas, we went to the church, it was interesting, but fucking boring. so we went home, Nickje went to sleep over me and we ate some Puddos ( Magic Mushrooms) we spent the all night long awake just spacing together.

   When i was sad, when she was sad, we were there for each other, there was no need of talking, just looking to each other, getting cigarettes ad everything was better, she could get me , and i could get her.

she's my soul sister, i didn't expect she could become so much at me, but so it is, i love her and she loves me!

this is why every time somebody asks me what s the best thing you get from Nederland i always answer : that's my sista! 

I ve ever been thinking it would have been awesome to have a sister , but now i know that's not awesome, that's fucking awesome!!!!

5 manden + iets (ita-eng)

Sta sera Hanne non cena a casa, e altrettanto Anique.
Jan è ancora a lavoro, quando finisce andrà a prendere delle pizze...
Nell'attesa Hanne si prepara una tazza di zuppa,prende una tazza, ci butta dentro della polvere misteriosa, aggiunge dell'acqua e mette la pastrocchia nel microonde, 1 minuto e il tutto è pronto.
Ho deciso di non fare la schizzinosa e di farmene una anche io...risultato: una puzza terribile,della sbobbetta gialla galleggiante e continui rumori di stomaco... allora decido che ho toccato il fondo e provo a far mangiare i rimasugli a citah (il mio cane), citah mangia di tutto dalla carne alle verdure, e persino la frutta, non c'è nulla che non le piaccia...la chiamo, arriva quindi scodinzolante, le avvicino la zuppa,immediatamente la coda finisce tra le gambe e citah inizia a d indietreggiare,ho aperto il cestino e ho gettato il tutto.
PROMEMORIA: mai mangiare una "cup a soup"!!!
scusate, ma ora scappo al bagno.






tonight Hanne is not eating at home, and Anique aswell.
Jan is still at work...and when he finish is gonna get some pizzas.
Pending Hanne prepares a cup of soup,takes a cup, threws in themysterious powder, adds water and puts that shit in the microwave,1 minute and everything is ready.
so i decided to be openminded and to try that stuff, rsullt: i still stink of that stuff, the taste was horrible, noise from my stomach and that nasty yellow stuff in the cup was still floating in the resting soup, but i was not brave enough to eat it, so i called citah ( my dog) she relly does like everything, from meat,to vegetables, and even fruit,  then she came wagging, approached the soup and than started to walk backward and her tail was all of a sudden between her legs.i threw everything away.
REMINDER: Never eat "a cup of soup" again!!!
now i beg ur pardon, but i gotta go to the bathroom :p


echte erg!!!

nieuwe jaar :)

Zo...
hallo allemaal,
hier alles goed, nu ben ik here van meer lange...
dus ik moet om sinterklaas en kerstedagen te praten:
sinterklaas:
sinterklaas is een meneer uit turky wie in Madrid woont.een keer per jaar hij hier in Nederland koom en hij cadoutjes voor de kinderen brengen.Maar hij is niet allen met hem er zijn Zwarte Piet: een zwarte helper en zijn wiet paarde.
elke jaar koomt hij naar Nederland, maar alleen voor de brave kinderen.
zo je kan denken dat hij is santa klaus maar wacht wacht wacht, wat meer doet hij is een gedicht, elke kind een gedicht krijgen,waarop is geschreven over het kinder zelf:)
anders wanneer het kind is stout Sinterklaas brengt hem in Spanje en maak een pepernote van hem.
ik het vieren met mijn familie en het was geweldig, ze waren zomooi en zo liefelijk dat ik niet mis mijn echte familie zo veel:) Er was de hele familie,en ook Carine's vriendje was er, heel gezellig :)
Toen ging ik in Amsterdam voor 4 dagen met andere uitwisselingsstudenten, het was geweldig:). goed op de 24 gingen we naar de kerk, protestantse kerk, en ik had het niet verwacht,vleermuis het was heel mooi, veel nummers, en de tijd ging doorzeer snel:)
Eindelijk op 25 gingen we naar oma, was er de hele familie, Tantesen ooms en neven:) heel erg mooi en minstens lijkt meer op eenItaliaanse traditie:).op het einde nu voel ik me echt thuis, toen was ik bij A'dam delaatste dag deed ik echt mis mijn familie hier, mijn katten, mijnkamer, en de Nederlandse eten: P
op het einde nu voel ik me echt thuis, toen was ik bij A'dam delaatste dag deed ik echt mis mijn familie hier, mijn katten, mijnkamer, en de Nederlandse eten: P
Jan en Hanne zijn heel erg vriendelijk en Anique is erg cool:) Ik hou van haar, elke dag kan ik haar voelen meer als een zus, n Het is ongelooflijk, want ik heb nog nooit een had, en ik heb 'verwachten, soms de ene Overleg voor de andere, dekken we elkaar, en wekunnen begrijpen elkaar. het is verbazingwekkend!


so...
hello everyone,
everything allright here, now i'm here from longer..
so i gotta talk bout sinterklaas and xmas time:
sinterklaas:
Sint is a man who lives in turcky,once every year he comes here in Nederland and he brings presentes for the good children, and he's not alone, with him there are zwarte piet :  a black helper and a white horse.
well now you could think it's santa but wait wait wait, wht he more does is the poem!!! everychild get from him a poem on himself:)
in the other hand if a child is naughty Sint brings him in Spain and make a peppernote out of him.
well i celbrated it with my family, it was great :)they were so nice and so lovely that i didn't miss my family so much :) There ws the whole family, also Carine's boyfriend was there :)


kerstedagen:
i went to A'dam for 4 days wit others exhange students, it was awesomE :) 
on the 24 we went to the church a protestant church, it was pretty different , at first i was very glad that the walls were completely white and not those fuc**ng scaring demons painted everywhere. honestly i couldn't understend wht the priiest said at all... but they sang a lot of songs an it was very nice...and they time went by pretty fast :) than anique slept over me :)
finally on 25 we went to grandma , there was the whole family wit all the relatives :) a very big dinner, in the end of the dinner i felt i was gonna exploud :S... but i was very happy of that eventought the conversations were completely in dutch n it was pretty tiring ( grandma of course can't speek eng).and it was quite similar to italian way of celebrate xmas,  just less noise :p
to conclude now i feel really at home , when i was in a'dam the last day i was loocking for to get back, to hug my cats, to meet jan n hanne, to stay with anique, n to eat dutch food :P
jan and hanne are very very kind and anique is very cool,i love them. every day i can feel anique more as a sister than the day before, she's the sister i've never had :) sometimes the one talk for the other and sometimes we don't need to talk we already got the other...it's amazing!!!
but, cuz there's always a but :
i really miss my boyfriend, i dunno y it's happened, but now i need him so mutch, to go on and on without, without his arms around me without his kisses n his love is so hard. i feel everything right 2 times more hard, n i know it's only cuz i m not with him. idk who the fuck made those ruls but they're so bad, not to meet him make me only feel worse.
i love to be here, but still i count the days to my return, eventought i know i ll mi this awesome land so much , it's only cuz of him, coz i love him!!!




dunque...
ciao a tutti ,
tutto bene qui,ora sono qui da piu tempo...
cosi vorrei parlare di sinterklaas e delle vacanze di natale:
sinterklaas.
sinterklaas "è un uomo" che viene dalla turkia ma che vive a Madrid, ogni anno questo magnianimo tizio viene in olanda in incoglito e porta regali ai bambini.Ma non è solo, viene accompagnato da zwarte piet (il suo aiutante(Alias schiavo)nero) e da un cavallo bianco.
ogni anno dunque questo benefattore arriva in olanda, ma solo per i bambini buoni ovviamente.
chiunque potrebbe pensare: eh beh dovè dunque la differenza da babbonatale?ma aspetta aspetta aspetta, l'asso nella manica di sinterklaas è la poesia, ogni bambino rivece da lui una poesia su di lui:)
invece i bambini monelli sono presi nel sacco di sinterklaas e portati a madrid, dove verranno successivamente trasformati in peppernotes (biscotti alla cannella tipicamente natalizi olandesi)un ottimo incentivo al comportarsi bene oserei commentare.
beh io il mio sinetklaasdag(5DICEMBRE) l'ho passatocon la mia famiglia, che è stata cosi dolce e carina da non farmi sentire quasi per nulla la nosralgia di casa.tutta la famiglia era radunata, persino il ragazzo di carine :)
kerstedagen:
il 24 sera siamo andati in chiesa verso le 10, una chiesa protestante,e non me lo sarei mai aspettata ma non è stato per niente male, primo le mura erao quasi completamente bianche senza quelle terribbili e raccapriccianti raffigurazione di demoni e morte, ovviamente del sermone nn ho capito nulla, ma almeno ogni cosa che diceva era intervallata da canzoni natalizie che tutti inzieme abbiamo cantato :)
alla fine il 25 siamo andati dalla Nonna , c'era tutta a famiglia con tanto di zii e cugini :) è stato molto bene, e anche se non capivo nulla di qll ce dicevano perche la nonna non parlainglese e quindi si e parlato tutta la serata olandese, per lo meno era piu simile a un natale italiano, anche se ovviamete nn era cosi bordellara la cosa.
infine voglio dire che adesso mi sento davvero a casa qui,l'ultimo giorno che sono stata ad a'dma mi sono persino mancati i miei genitori i gatti mia sorella e addirittura le verdure e il cibo olandese :s
jan e hanne sono davvero dolcy è annik è fortissima :) è un po' come la sorella che non ho mai avuto, le voglio un sacco di bene,a volte parliamo l una al posto dell altra ci capiamo con uno sguardo, ci scambiamo i vestiti ecc... chemmostro :)
ma come purtroppo va sempre detto mi manca il mio ragazzo, non sco chi ha fatto queste maledette regole, ma l idea che non lo vedrò fino a luglio ancora mi sta ammazzando come un lento veleno, ogni giorno conto su quel contatore i fottutissimi giorni che mancano a quando finalmente ci rivedremo. andare avanti senza di lui , rende tutto piu brutto, rende un po tristi anche le cose bellissime che succedono qua, andare avanti senza i suoi abbracci, senza il suo odore , le sue carezze, e il suo amore è sempre piu difficile. che bel modo per rovinare una bellissima esperienza.
                     Baci Allee :)

14 weeks